Does your achievement come with a price? Do you get a reward, small or little when you tell your parents about what good happened to your exams, quizzes, or your grade? Did they ever tell you that you did a great job and that you should keep up the good work? It’s not very often that when you get a high grade, or you pass a quiz, or you get a passing or high score in your exam, you get a reward from someone else. Or maybe that’s just for me.
During my entire existence, achievements and accomplishments in college, I never heard my mom tell me that she’s gonna give me something in return for getting a 1.0 in my Algebra or an average of 1.something during one semester. Because honestly, it just feels so unfair that my sisters get something like an extra allowance or anything. I mean like, I’m studying my ass off just to finish college but they don’t even show any sign of industriousness. I know I shouldn’t ask for anything in return because what I’m doing right now is also for my own benefit. But hey! I’m also your daughter. Hello?
At some point in time during my first year of college, I was so proud of the grade I got in my zoology 1 class. That subject was so effin’ hard but I still passed. I told my mom the grade I got and guess what she said? She told me that maybe I could do better. I know it wasn’t that high of a grade but that wasn’t the kind of response I expected. From then on, I never told her any of my achievements or grades. But when I get a really high grade, I can’t help but tell it to her because of euphoria. And her response just breaks my heart.
I never really felt that I was good enough for her, but I never gave up on my self. I keep on telling myself to strive harder every single day just to hear sweet compliments from her. I will never give up on my dream. I know that this studying is also for myself but sometimes you need to hear some words of encouragement and appreciation from people, especially from your parents, your mom. That’s all I wanted to have but life doesn’t give you everything you want.
I feel so alone in this particular chapter of my journey. I’m struggling so much that I always felt like giving up. I have no friends in school, i have no one to talk to. I don’t have anyone in my life. I just need someone to talk to. Someone who would understand my struggles, someone who is willing to listen to my stories, achievements, and accomplishments. But I guess, I’ll never find a friend.
All I’ll ever have is myself. Whatever happens, I’m still so proud of what I have and where I am right now. I’ve gone a long way thru and now isn’t the right time to give up. Screw everybody! For as long as I think that I still have myself with me, I know I can get through with this life, with all the bullshit, struggles, and lemons it has been throwing me. For as long as I know that I wouldn’t give up on myself and all the things I’ve already started.
I know you would be asking me about his post. Why did I even put it up, because I just need to express all of the emotions I am holding in right now. I still have 5 or 6 more exams coming up this week and I can’t study with all these feelings.
Most people would think how bad of a child I am because I know that nobody would ever understand. Judge me all you want because I wouldn’t even care on what you have to say. You never knew me or my struggles! You don’t have the right but again, hey! People are born to judge other people. That’s a fact. For now, I have to say that this sucks.
a middle child. ❤
Chin up loves, we can make it through. I can't help but cry writing this post.